Are we controlling trust?

Are we controlling the living daylights out of trust?

You can feel it in your chest. If you don't step in, Bob is likely to screw this up. You can already see the mess you'll have to tidy up. He just hasn't handled these situations like you have.

And so you lean over - literally or metaphorically - and take the controls.

You might notice a look of surprise on Bob's face. Maybe relief. Maybe consternation.

What you haven't noticed, though, is that this was a Moment of Truth in your relationship with Bob. Your trust was being tested.

Trust and control are like oil and water. As Solomon and Flores put it, "trust and control are incompatible, because the core of trust involves freedom."

The problem is that control comes naturally. When the costs of failure flash across our minds, we're tested. Will we instinctively reach in? Or will we take a breath, lean back and keep our hands in our laps?

Sometimes reaching in is the best call. But because our brains sprint away from anything that smells like risk, it’s too easy to default to control.

So we have to be ready for it. If we don't see the moment of truth ahead of us, we can't design for it. Self-awareness precedes self-control on this one.

Trust is a beautiful thing. Let's not suffocate the living daylights out of it.