The need to be liked.

Watch out: this subtle trap can hijack your influence in high-stakes moments.

And it preys on your best intentions.

☕️☕️ ☕️ Top of mind at 5:30am this morning while delivering a workshop on Neediness to Canadian research and commercialisation professionals.

When the need to be liked creeps in, it sabotages your performance, your perception and your presence. It tells a story before you even open your mouth.

See below 👇

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Watch out for this insidious trap - it can derail the best of us

You might not even notice it, but the NEED to be liked can quietly sabotage your performance when it matters most. It’s subtle. It’s sneaky. And it needs to be tackled head-on. 

⚠️ Why this matters

When we NEED to be liked, the stakes in a conversation skyrocket. It becomes harder to table the real stuff, say “No,” or hear “No.” A single unfriendly comment or unexpected reaction can throw us off balance emotionally, leading to poor decisions and unhelpful reactions.

👉 What to do

That’s why leaders, influencers, and negotiators must reframe:

We don’t need to be liked. We want to be liked.

Try it out:

“I don’t need to be liked by [that person who holds sway]; I only want to be liked by them.”

Feel the shift? This simple reframe reduces our attachment and helps us approach challenging conversations with greater stability and composure.

Wanting to be liked is influential. But needing to be liked? That’s a slippery slope where one negative comment can disrupt our focus and performance. Reframing can keep us grounded for when it matters most.

📌 The bottom line 

The need to be liked is an Achilles heel. Reframe it before it undermines your performance. 

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This is No. 4 in a series of workshop clips. Missed the earlier posts? Check them out for more bite-sized insights to sharpen your leadership, influence and negotiation skills.