INSIGHTS

You almost spilled your coffee when you heard. What!? You push back from the table, shaking your head in disbelief. What they said was SO clearly SO unreasonable. How could they do that? What were they thinking? Just what kind of [fill in the blank] are they? In the course of less than 5 seconds we have jumped to a conclusion. And not just any conclusion, a conclusion backed by the conviction that this person is clearly trouble or toxic or both. We just have to tell som

You did it again. You got caught up in the moment and found yourself preoccupied with one thing. Which stopped you from seeing the OTHER thing. A realisation that came after the fact. Typical. And more than a little frustrating, because that other thing was really the MAIN thing. Now you have to wait three weeks for a do-over of that meeting. Someone asked me recently how you catch yourself when you're in a moment like that. Because the good intention to "go to the balcony"

The table splintered. Rachael screamed. And I seriously questioned the wisdom of camping at this stage of her pregnancy. Completely unexpected. This latest newsletter is about preparing for the conversation you didn't see coming, plus a 75-second watch on what stress does to us in the room 🎬

You thought you were prepared. You thought you knew your stuff. You thought you knew how to shape this conversation. And then you were tested. You weren't the negotiator you meant to be. Your prep had failed to prepare for the biggest variable: You. But preparing is hard when you're dragged from one meeting to the next with next to no time to think. Shooting from the hip becomes the status quo. The prepared negotiator is not the person who always has time to prepare. It's

Ben turns 50, decides to run 50kms to celebrate. To keep it interesting, he adds close to 3000m of elevation and a day in which Wellington experienced cyclone-like gusts of wind up to 120km/hr. Marking the moment with some bubbles was just what was called for. A bit of planning for a moment that seemed so right as we tried to stop the cups blowing out of our hands. And it reminds me how easy it is to blow past these moments. All too easy to finish something and not stop to

Preparation isn’t just about what you’re going to say. It’s also about where you’re looking 👀

We've lived in this neighbourhood for over twenty years. But I'd never enjoyed this view. The trail wasn't there. That's changed. New trail. New view. The view doesn't change until the path does. But we do get stuck walking the same old paths, don't we. The same old preparation routine. The same old perspective. The same old results. Worth a thought before your next negotiation.

If you're trying to, you're up against it. The combination of mirror neurons, micro expressions, body language and tone of voice makes it hard to conceal what is most important to us. And if our dominant intent is all about us and what we need to achieve... well... it leaks and reeks 🤢 Gandhi captured it well, "The moment there is suspicion about a person's motives, everything [they do] becomes tainted." This is a challenge for us as we prepare for a high-stakes conversation

Our preparation seemed solid. Right up until we were tested. We poured our energy into the agenda. The content. What we wanted to say. And then it happens. The conversation goes sideways. Someone questions our credibility. A question broadsides us. We have to deliver news we know will land hard. We weren't ready for the moment. It tested us. And we failed the test. Good, solid preparation doesn't just prepare the agenda. It prepares for the test. 🎬 Video here. How do you se