Are we broadcasting on Needy FM?

The need is genuine. We have to get this across the line. There’s a lot riding on it. Dollars. Progress. Reputation. So we have to perform. Now. 

It was a whirlwind of a conversation. We asserted our positions. Pressed our case. And, we thought, kept things relatively calm… even if at times we were quietly pleading in our inner world that they would just. say. yes. 

Sure, we may have talked a lot. Got a little excited. And, yeah, we did end up promising more than we’d intended. 

But they didn’t come to the party. In fact, we detected a pulling back. Their arms were crossed. Physically and mentally. 

They detected something in the air that didn’t feel safe. 

They detected neediness. 

It’s been a theme this week as I’ve been running sessions with teams in Australia on bringing your best to tough conversations. 

We’ve all got needs. That’s normal. The problem is when we feel those needs slipping from our grasp. Not only do we feel needy. We show it too. 

As Justin Michael and Jonny Staker put it, “Neediness is a fissure in your composure, a disturbance in the air around you, a scent that precedes your words and makes people retreat, even if they can’t articulate why.”

Neediness is a turn-off. Just think about it in a dating context.

Which is why, as leaders, influencers and negotiators, we’re well advised to notice the needs we bring into the room. Because if we can’t see them, we can’t manage them. 

Freewheeling needs send a signal that speaks louder than our words.