Does your story suck?

Not the one you tell others. 

The one you tell yourself… before you even walk into the room. 

We all do it, right? We tell ourselves a story before that tricky conversation, that big meeting or that conversation with “them” (yeah, we’ve all got a “them”).

It’s a story about us. 

A story about them. 

A story about what’s at stake … and what’s going to happen. 

Sometimes it’s a tale of triumph: success, celebration and slaps on the back. At other times, it’s a darker tale: one of tension, rejection and worst-case scenarios. 

Either way, the story sucks: 

⏵ It sucks in our perspective, 

⏵ It sucks out our energy, and 

⏵ It can quietly suck us into an emotional frame that changes our presence and our performance. 

The story we dwell on influences what happens next. And maybe not in a good way. 

So … how do we shift the story? 

First, we have to see it. 

That means stepping back and looking from different angles. 

Start with a bit of self-distancing. Refer to yourself in the third person. Ask:

👉 “What’s the story here for [Stu]?”

Now widen the lens: 

👉 “What’s their story?” 

Then, take a neutral view: 

👉 “What would a neutral observer say is happening here?”

(In the book, Difficult Conversations, this is referred to as the third story)

These aren’t just reflective questions - they’re a reset. Because the next page of the story hasn’t been written yet. And we don’t have to keep following the same old script. 

Dialling up our curiosity - especially self curiosity - can shift the story. 

Put it this way, if I had a dollar for every time a client weighed themselves down with a limiting story about what isn’t possible… 

The bottom line: The story you tell yourself influences what happens next. 

What’s your story?