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“Feelings, too, are facts.”

  • Writer: Stu
    Stu
  • Jun 23
  • 1 min read

If you could send an anonymous message to your colleague or counterparty, which of these quotes would you choose?


“Facts don’t care about your feelings.” – Ben Shapiro


“Feelings, too, are facts.” – Eleanor Roosevelt


Your answer puts a finger on a dynamic that, if left unresolved, could sabotage your efforts.


(And no, don’t actually send the note …)


These quotes spotlight a tension at the heart of many negotiations and leadership conversations:


⏵ Ignore the facts, and you’ll make poor decisions.

⏵ Ignore the feelings, and you’ll miss what’s really driving the other person - and yourself.


Wise influencers pay attention to both. Both the reality of the situation AND the emotion surrounding it. 


To help with this, before a conversation that matters, try asking yourself these questions


🌎 For your world: 


  • What am I not seeing here? 

  • How do I actually feel about this? What do those feelings tell me? 


(pro tip: handle your emotions before the meeting or they’ll handle you in the meeting) 


🌍 For their world:


  • What is the truth they don’t see? How might I help them see it? 

  • What emotional history could be shaping their decisions? 


(pro tip: baggage kills deals - handle it before it torpedos your efforts.)


Influence gets easier when you respect both realities: What’s happening out there, and what’s happening in here.


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